Doran Steinfeld

Writer

Special Projects

We Are Not the Same: You Poop Till You’re Done, I Poop Till My Leg Falls Asleep

It’s about that time. I’ve been sitting here for so long (writing this) that my left leg is starting to feel a tingly sensation. It’s falling asleep! Now, a normal person would take this as a sign to stop and come back another time, but we are not the same. I’m only halfway (if that!) through my movement, and I have an article to write. Sorry left leg, looks like you’re gonna have to wait. Maybe right leg will join you soon?

You Kill Yourself ONE TIME and All of the Sudden Everyone Calls You Dead

I AM NOT DEAD! The only “dead” I am is drop dead gorgeous.

Celiac Insensitivity: A Comprehensive List of Artists Who Have Posed in Wheat Fields

The wheat fields are calling, will you answer?

SIT DOWN in the COMMUNAL SHOWERS

Trigger warning, this article is NOT for lovers of the oppressive shower shoe.

Just Had Sex With the Alien From Run 3: Meh 🫤

Last week, a brand new opportunity offered itself to The Pinky Toe: the alien from Run 3. Our great leaders at The Pinky Toe explained to us that a new local hottie has offered to have sex with one of us, as long as we rate him and write an article about it. Now, I’m not one to pass up an opportunity for a good story, so I immediately offered my services. I was selected, and then me and this mystery hottie met up later.