You, yes you. I know you’re also guilty. Stalking your potential romantic interest online until you can find every single detail about them: their major, hometown, where they went to high school, their address, and even more. You peruse every source you can find, including Instagram, Facebook, Google, and yes even Linkedin. You admire their pictures, and learn intricate details that make you realize you are simply meant to be. You both played soccer when you were younger. You both love going to concerts. You know they’re going into a high paying field like engineering, which is perfect for you. You want to drop out and become a housewife because STEM is in fact, hard (and not in the sexy way). Better start planning the wedding!
One of the most important things you can learn about in your stalking….I mean research….is about the person’s family. After all, you need to get to know your in-laws so you know what you’re getting into. I myself, have of course taken it upon myself to learn the bloodline of my current romantic interest: my physics lecture crush. He’s planning on becoming a doctor, which is perfect for my plan to become a trophy wife. Here is my ranking of my future in-laws from last to first! (oh how I love being delulu).
- First up, we have my least favorite in law so far. My crush's father. He doesn’t explicitly state that he’s conservative. But judging by the fact he used an American flag for his Facebook banner, he’s pretty suspicious. He also does not post any content of physics lecture crush (or really post at all), which is unhelpful for my research and a tremendous red flag.
- Next, we have my mother in law. She’s one of those facebook moms who is always posting about her family or reposting whatever she finds funny on Facebook. The feeling I get is similar to how I feel when I go into a craft store and see those signs that say shit like “Live, laugh, love” or “It’s 5 o'clock somewhere”. While I wouldn't be friends with her if she wasn’t my mother-in-law, she seems like she would be fun to get wine drunk with. Not to mention, she posts so many pictures of physics lecture crush that I can stare at them for hours, so for that, I thank her.
- Second to last, we have the family dog. A cute little Boston terrier named Bo Bo that looks just like R2! Bo Bo is so high on the list simply because dogs can do no wrong, and I can’t wait to dogsit her one day.
- Last and certainly not least, my crush’s meemaw! I can already tell we will get along tremendously! She posts cute selfies of herself with her husband of 45 years (just like me and physics lecture crush in the future!). She even has provided cute throwback pictures of physics lecture crush as a baby! How adorable! We’re gonna have the cutest kids (though I already knew that because I have AI generated our kids). And last, but certainly not least, she posted a picture on her profile of a graphic of her future headstone which says “died from lack of dick”. Me too, meemaw. You’re so real for that.