You know her. You’ve seen her. Skulking about wearing clothes that are far too large for her body, yet somehow she is able to remain decent. She’s got a silly little sparkle in her eye. She’s going to tell you a really good riddle, I’m sure of it. She’s got big over-the-ear headphones to best cancel the noise of everyone and everything around her. They are green, gray, and battered from the countless times they have fallen off the bed when she sleeps with them in. She’s tall, thin, and pale enough to count bruises on her knees and elbows and between the ridges of her spine.
She has also had quite enough nonsense recently. Everywhere she goes, she is mistaken for a young gay male, otherwise commonly known as a “twink.” In public, she is often referred to as “young man” or “sir,” especially by little old ladies who need help crossing the street. Men hit on her in gay-friendly spaces, only to be disappointed by the fact that she is not who they are looking for.
She is tirelessly searching for some sort of three step plan to let everyone know that she is NOT the little boy they think she is. Where are those Snapchat ads when you need them? Here is what she has planned so far:
One. Developing a signature posture. If she wants to pass for a straight girl, the hips cannot lie. She is practicing sashaying into buildings and reallllyyyy arching that back to make her figure stand out.
Two. Training her voice to have vocal fry. This one has been very difficult, especially when placing orders for food at the dining halls. It takes at least three tries before any of her words become comprehensible. She thinks someone threw a French fry at her in line the other day.
Three. Evolving into a new wardrobe. She has attempted to wear more cropped t-shirts and smaller pants recently, to try and blend in with the girls around her. She feels generally naked with the lack of excessive layers or earthy tones, but she’s sure that she won’t be mistaken for a young boy anymore.
Girltwink no more…hopefully. Armed with her new look, she is positive that she will never again be mistaken for a gay male!