I should preface this by saying that my ex and I have been pretty much no contact for three months now (though I broke it a few weeks ago cause I found out he put a video of me totalling our cars on his Hinge profile and proceeded to ask him to take it down, cause how dare he take credit for me being funny, though he’s a man and my ex so I’m not surprised). So imagine my surprise when I woke up this morning to see two emails from my ex sent to my BU email address with an identical subject line “KINES262 Bone List One (2).pptx”. Bone list????? Is this like a list of people he wishes to bone to get over me?? Makes sense. I was the greatest thing he ever had.
I of course had to open the emails. Both of them had powerpoint attachments; one email had no accompanying text while the other said “the thing” and nothing else. I’m sorry, but I don’t ever recall discussing this thing. I should also mention that I was the only recipient of these two emails.
Next, I opened the powerpoint attachments. It was just a powerpoint of bones…like literal bones…and not the sexy kind. I mean the ones that keep us from turning into jello. Is this a sign he wants to murder me or something? I mean I get it. I would wanna murder my ex if they devastatingly broke my heart after I gave them less than the bare minimum. It’s funny. He sends me a bone list, yet he is the last person I would ever want to bone.
My ex studies kinesiology, so I guess it makes sense he is studying bones. But why would he send his class slides to me? How the fuck does one accidentally send an email to the wrong person TWICE? I knew he was a bonehead, but I still have yet to figure out how this happened after pondering long and hard about my unfortunate previous life choices to date this man. Thinking about it sends shivers down my spine. He could easily find his patella even when it became hella dislocated that one time we went ice skating together, but he could never find the clit in the three and a half years we were together.
There are 206 bones in the human body. But not a single bone in my body has any desire to be with him. It appears I still have a strong hold on him, just like the femur is the strongest bone in the body. The stapes, which is the smallest bone, perfectly represents the effort he gave me. I really thought I could fix him, just like doctors can fix broken bones. But I couldn’t. Good luck with your bone exam. You’re gonna need it, since it must be hard to study when you keep thinking about me. Makes sense though, since you must be having a hard time finding a girl who would ever be willing to bone you.
