Giving My Roommate a White Board Explaination on Matt Damon and Ben Affleck

Mirna Benavente

Fun fact! My roomie and I have whiteboard nights in which I explain needless and unimportant things to her – such as the plot and love mess that is Miraculous Ladybug – and she sits and listens to me. Because we love each other. 

 

And do you know who else loves each other? The subject of our latest whiteboard night, Ben Affleck and Matt Damon! I spent hours showing her clips and building a timeline to show just how deep their 43-year relationship went. It was a long time, but a long time well spent (not as long as they’ve spent together).

 

Yet as I was falling asleep after that whiteboard night, I was unable to allow slumber to overtake me – and it wasn’t because of my blood alcohol level this time. But why?

 

Then it hit me! If my roommate was also clueless about them, then maybe not everyone is aware of the intense, extreme slight homoerotic relationship between the two lovers best friends. I needed to spread this knowledge to all those capable of thought and hearing.

 

So without further ado, I present the points I made to my roommate on whiteboard night on the subject that has kept me on TikTok for hours looking at edits of two white men!

  • They quite literally have a whole Wikipedia page called Ben Affleck and Matt Damon
  • Apart from sharing said Wiki article, they once shared a bank account with one another for years where they would pool all their money together.
  • Those damn matching puka necklaces
  • They wrote Good Will Hunting together. And when they won their JOINT Oscar together, they made their little men kiss (that is not a euphemism).
  • They were in talks to star in Brokeback Mountain together (this would’ve likely set a course for a different timeline for both men)
  • Matt would commute from Boston to LA when Ben had auditions because Ben was scared of flights
  • In an interview, Matt was posed the question “Who would you turn gay for?” And after a few jokes, he landed on the answer “go for the kid i would’ve turned gay for when I was 10” (Ben and him met when Matt was 10!)
  • In reference to a magazine photo: “You know what we like to call that in our community? Top, bottom” on Jimmy Kimmel
  • Matt straddling and hiding in Ben’s jacket on Jimmy Kimmel (as a bit, obviously)
  • When receiving a compliment, Matt says “If I’m good at anything it’s like, picking partners.” And when listening them off, names Ben BEFORE HIS WIFE
  • Matt’s face absolutely lighting up when Ben goes up to him at the Golden Globes and proceeds to cuddle him
  • On Ellen - “Name 3 places you’re likely to find Matt Damon” Ben: “The beach, the bar, and my bed
  • When holding up a shit that said Ben-Gay – “in the unlikely but wonderful event – hope, hope – that Matt finally comes around”
  • Matt visiting Ben’s house and proceeding to take off his wedding ring – it could mean nothing!
  • “I don’t want to be his friend in public… it’s way too important a friendship for that…not for public consumption in that way.” – This is literally just sweet.
  • Jennifer Gardiner (Ben’s first wife) calling Matt her “darling husband’s darling husband” and referring to him as half of one of the greatest love stories ever told – not with her, but with Matt Damon. “We’ve all been married to each other for 5 years.”
  • That fucking Dunkin’ commercial – “my partner” “you said you were going to support me “you remember when I said I’d do anything for you?”
  • Matt was positively ”jovial” hanging out with Ben after his separation from Jennifer Lopez

 

But yeah, maybe all these points are worthless and… could mean nothing. But I will say, Ben and J-Lo filed for their divorce on April 26th, AKA Challengers’ release day. The small coincidences of life. 

 

As a disclaimer, I don’t want anyone to take this as an offense and as if I’m trying to “out” anyone. It’s a joke. Chill