I am a good upstanding american. I get my vaccines, I voted in that super awesome and cool election, sometimes me and my friends even like to pray when we get drunk. So tell me why last week I got covid for the fifth fucking time last week since 2022! Where am I going wrong, who have I double crossed? There is only one obvious explanation: it's the queer agenda.
I discovered the truth after doing research on my two most trusted sources: facebook and reddit, and I've cracked the code. The chemicals in GSU Panda Express are exactly infused with chemicals that slowly make you gayer. Ever wonder why that one girl friend who used to swear up and down she's straight was caught kissing girls after her break up? The chemicals! Sauce from the orange chicken actually contains miniature nanobots that travel up your spinal cord and turn on everytime you look at someone of the same gender. They transplant ungodly thoughts into your brain using vibrations, why do you think there have been so many mullets cut on campus this year?
Now you may be asking, how does this connect to you getting covid. Well after hiring a PI that I found on reddit I realized that some gay people on the BU campus are actually government plants. That situationship of yours: can not be trusted! After you pass out in their bed even though you probably shouldn’t, they are injecting you with an addictive variant of The Covid. First you get dangerously sick, then the high fever makes you vulnerable to the gay enzymes multiplying in your blood stream. Why do you think youre still obsessed with that situationship who won't text you back? Think! Research! You are the victim of bio hacking!