I check X Twitter before I head to class, as one does, when I’m confronted by set photos and videos of a movie. Nothing new, people love to share pictures of irrelevant movies and whatnot. But what really got my attention was the caption:
Robert Pattinson and Zendaya Spotted filming their new movie in Boston
But wait, I’m in Boston. I could run into Edward himself! Or even better, Ms. Rocky Blue herself! Yet how could I build a genuine pre-planned casual run-in with her? She’s a star and I’m but a lowly college students with no money, no prospects, and a burden to my parents.
Yet as I continue to scroll, I come across another video of Zendaya in Boston. As I analyze the video, I see the restaurant she’s at: Tatte. Of course, Zandaya fucking loves a good Tatte run. She ate there with her – at the time – new boyfriend Tom Holland last time she filmed in town.
With that in mind, I packed my bags and took residency at my nearest Tatte, a 5 minute walk from my dorm on Beacon St. I set up hidden cameras everywhere and clicked between them like I was playing a game of Five Nights at Freddy’s. Only it was more sadistic since there was no Foxy in sight.
Yet after 3 days of camping out, eating only stale croissants and diluted coffee while missing classes, I had to call it quits. Why would Zendaya ever be on a street as dumb as Beacon? I had to leave for my own sake. That and the employees finally found me and ran me out with a broom like a raccoon.
As I did what essentially felt like a walk of shame back to my dorm, I had an epiphany – Celebrities are nothing more than people. They struggle to find the hooks on the back of their bras just like me. These parasocial relationships we’ve developed with certain famous people are a disease and we have to be more conscious about how we treat people. In the end, I don’t actually mind that Zendaya never showed up because I was able to keep my dignity as a person and-
Roomie: “Y’know, Zendaya was shooting scenes in the building across the street from our dorm.”
Y’know, there’s another Tatte by Fenway Target that I can camp out in…