What To Do When Your Sonny Angels Start Unionizing

Piper Hope

It’s dangerous times out here in Joe Biden’s America. Do you know last night, I googled it, and he’s a scorpio?! Yeah, sounds about right for a dirty bitch like him. Anyway, these woke liberals are always on about “the means of production should belong to the worker” and “support unions”, But it appears I’ve found myself on the other side of such a situation. 

I’ve become somewhat of a Sonny Angel landlord. I started collecting them last August and since then I have acquired a dozen little baby boys. My trouble now is they are now starting to gain class consciousness. I often catch them standing in a little circle on my dresser, and I’m starting to overhear their whispers. They are starting to realize that standing and looking cute, dicks OUT, all around my dorm is a form of unpaid labor. Like, yes, I do see their point, but I can’t possibly compensate my Sonnys! They are on the clock 24/7 giving my room a silly childlike whimsy vibe.

Yesterday night their union leader, Cabbage Head Sonny Angel, approached me with some demands. He claims that their company slogan is “He MAY bring you happiness”, which exempts Sonny Angels from actually being cute all the time. I said, okay, I can give them certain hours of the day off, perhaps a 40 hour workweek situation. He requested that during the Sonny’s time off I put them away in a “Sonny Fun Center”, which he describes as a dark damp drawer with a pack of Zyns and a Delta-8 pen. 

I felt like our meeting was pretty diplomatic, but not even fifteen minutes later I caught Cabbage Head Sonny spreading his pro-union message to the other trinkets on my shelf! I cannot afford to lose the labor of my RuPaul Little People©

queens?

 or my triceratops shaped popit! Soon enough my room is going to be absolutely barren. I have petitioned the Sonnys for another bargaining session, where I plan to beg them to stop unionizing in order to fight the real enemy: having a decoration-less room, like a, like a…………… STRAIGHT WHITE MAN!