Trump said that the Haitians in Springfield Ohio are eating the dogs and eating the cats; but has he considered that I am actually eating cat? Yes, that’s right, I am eating political pussy. I have given a lot of consideration as to which politicians I want to devour the most: Hillary Cliton, she sounds like my grandma, Nancy Pelosi, too saggy; so who am I eating out?
I’ll tell you! Here’s my top 4:
- Obviously Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez. For starters, HAVE YOU SEEN HER??? She is just beautiful, some may argue too pretty to be a politician. Seriously, when was the last time you saw a politician so scrumptious? She is also super accessible: she went to BU. I’m sure if I wander around long enough in the international relations department I’ll bump right into her. Fun fact: Did you know she lived in warren towers? I could be sleeping in the same bed she went to pound town on. God damn, I have a lady boner.
- JD Vance. I know I know, he isn’t a biological female (to my knowledge). But I think his dick is so small it might as well be a clit. Therefore, I think it is fair to say that I could potentially eat him out. My whole life I have been attracted to male manipulators like Vance. Maybe it’s my daddy issues or something… regardless, I would let him tell me what to do since I so crave his useless validation. Have you seen the way he makes up stories? You know I love when men lie to me, that’s why I stayed with my ex so long.
- Recently I have been looking for a more fit partner which is why I am turning towards Marjorie Taylor Greene. She is spunky, powerful, and most importantly unhinged. I will never know her next move and that is so very exciting in the bedroom. Speaking of her immense power, have you seen her workout routine? She lifts more than I weigh!!! She may just be the perfect dommy mommy for my oral escapades.
- In light of the next campaign, I must highlight my personal vote, Kamala Harris. Her vibrant energy is contagious and draws me to her like a moth to a flame. Do you think she laughs when she cums? Do you think I will start laughing like her after we share this intimate experience? I hope so. Her signature laugh turns me on everytime I hear it. I can only imagine how powerful I would become if I could laugh like her. Not only would we have amazing physical chemistry, but our political ideas align, which is really important for a healthy sexual relationship.
You heard it here first; these are my top 4 picks to eat out. Please don’t contact me about my crazed opinions, just take it to the polls.