Have you been feeling down recently? Fatigued, listless, unmotivated? Has life got you by the balls, and it’s twisting them for all they’re worth?
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All you need to do? Get on your knees and get those lips on a big ol’ honkin’ DILDO, baby! It’s just common sense!
This is the medicine Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know about, so they can keep stealing your HARD-EARNED CASH. Clinically proven to treat ulcers, kidney stones, baldness, OCD, asthma, cancer, joint pain, diabetes, impotence, the flu, and more! No drugs, no toxins, minimal set-up, and reap the benefits immediately. Use it on your own, or with others: the possibilities are endless!
Don’t just take it from us, hear from one of our many satisfied customers:
“It’s like a religious experience [...] The first time I sucked strap, I saw God. Now, I worship at the altar every morning and night. My skin is clearer, my grades have gone up, my peanut allergy has disappeared entirely. I fully comprehend ‘Right ear The Bible (Chinese), Left ear Mozart (2x speed)’. I broke the world record in the 70-star Super Mario 64 any% speedrun category. I have built familial bonds with the pigeons that land on my windowsill. I can blow people up with my mind.”
For the low, low price of having adequate game, utilizing the power of your imagination, and giving up just a little bit of your dignity, you TOO can get your hands on (and your mouth around) one of these silicone bad boys! So what are you waiting for? Call 1-800-STRAPON today! If you call in now, we’ll even throw in a free pair of our patented AirCushion kneepads! That’s 1-800-STRAPON for the solution to all your problems! Satisfaction, guaranteed.
**Harness and partner(s) not included.