PROUD PERVERT: Ethel Cain’s New Project Has Me Humping for Joy!
Ces Lodovico
[PRE- PUNISH RELEASE]
Ethel Cain has announced her new project, Perverts, is set to drop in January with its first single titled “Punish” coming out November 1st! I am quite excited, having been a stan since WAY before they disgraced Ethel’s memory by including Strangers in the It Ends With Us trailer. I refuse to watch that horrific film not only because it’s written by that wretched woman Colleen Hoover, but they ALSO tarnished the song where Ethel’s ghost sings about getting murdered and cannibalized by a man she thought loved her!! What the fuck!!! I’d rather be murdered and cannibalized than read a Colleen Hoover book and they went and disrespected Strangers like that. Anyway, I need to calm down. I can’t wait for Punish to drop! Surely its lyrics won’t worm their way into my brain, soul, and ever-beating heart! Surely it won’t lead me to reflect on my relationship with the world, the people in it, and being raised Catholic!
[POST- PUNISH RELEASE]
I AM PUNISHED BY LOVE. This song has been out for less than two weeks now and I fear it has already made it into my top streamed songs of the year because I’ve looped it Hella. I want to fuck the guitar distortion, caress the lyrics, and french kiss the piano. There’s no fuck marry kill around here. I couldn’t kill anything. I just need to lick the sound of the swingset in the intro and dry hump the ambient background. Ethel has the voice of an angel – one I’d build cathedrals and write hymns for.
The tracklist dropped with song runtimes yesterday, and it is the shortest song on the album at six minutes and forty seconds with the longest song being over FIFTEEN MINUTES LONG!!! Golly, I’m going to perv out so hard when this drops! I respect her devotion to getting rid of the “fans” who can’t take her music seriously that she discussed on tumblr (which I fully agree with when your art covers subject matter as dark as hers) because I fear a lot of them won’t have the attention spans for this album. But me? Not I, says the dog.
I have made the pilgrimage to the front row at her concert, and I have been baptized with the touch of her hand on mine. I have had the bridge of Thoroughfare (favorite part of my favorite song) sung to me with direct eye contact and there’s no going back. Lock me up at this point. I’m about to get perverted in a way that has never been seen before.