Once upon a time in the twilight dusk, a kind, beautiful, sexy, gorgina, girl, named Cindierella, not unlike myself one could say, had 2 evil study group members in her intro coding class. Every day during DS100 they would laugh and say “hahaha you dont know how to code you little dumdum you”. And they were right, there had never been a person in the history of the FTU (FairyTale Universe of course) that was more booty cheeks ass at coding. But the prophecy bestowed by her google calendar decreed that her quest would not only include going to class, but also, heaven forbid, taking notes. Alas she was the chosen one and must therefore obey O Gcal’s call to adventure every tuesday and thursday.
Every night when Cindie would do her homework, she would sing a trending tiktok sound out the window and the rats and squirrels of comm ave would scritter into her room and they would sing and dance and do her coding homework for her! Her roomates hated her, the rats would shit all over the room and the squirrels would steal any edikted top they could find buried in the drawers. But never princess polly, they were particular about that.
One fateful tuesday the upcoming midterm was announced and Cindierella cried and cried because how was she going to sneak a rat into questrom! Ugh and a squirrel would be even worse, she’d have to tell everyone she got hair extensions, or perhaps that minx scarves are back in this year? When all of a sudden in a puff of smoke Fairy GodTerrier appeared in the dorm! But dont get the wrong idea, not like a real dog enlarged, instead stood a very tall man in the rhett costume, topped with a fluffy dress, cape, and a comically large magic wand embellished with a bedazzled star.
“Cindierella I have come to grant a brief switcheroo of The Zuck’s coding abilities and your ability to knit really fucking fast. From now until 6pm you will be a python whiz and Zuck will spend some quality time making his family some meaningful christmas gifts.”
Cinderella hip hip hoorayed and headed to the computer to test it out, and before she even knew what her hands were doing she had typed:
“result = {"original_list": input_list, "filtered_sum": sum(map(lambda x: x if x <= threshold else 0, filter(lambda y: y <= threshold, map(lambda n: (lambda f, m: f(f, m))(lambda f, m: m if m <= 1 else m * f(f, m-1), n), input_list))))}”
She had no idea what that did but the cell ran perfectly so she hip hip hoorayed yet again. God her roomates hated her.
Cindie wore her best indie outfit on the day of the royal midterm, ready to dress to impress her evil study group partners and dared ascend the steps of questrom for her 4:45 data science lecture. As she stepped up each stair she began to notice a sinister, evil sound… flip, flop, flip, flop. She looked down at her shoe, better known on depop as vintage thrifted y2k office-siren painted leather doc marten loafers, and realized the sole was slowly peeling off and flapping and clapping in the wind with each step. Cindie rushed inside and prayed and prayed it wouldnt fall off in front of the dwarves smoking their hooked pipes outside the questrom doors, lest they trap her in a riddle. Cindie began the midterm but even with her new magical talents it was slow going typing all this shit out. Before she knew it, it was 6pm and she hadnt finished so she wiped her hands on the keyboard and hoped that some successful code was buried in that keyboard smash and ran out of the lecture hall before anyone noticed she was a cheating coding genius.
Yet on the way down, the unthinkable happened. The sole of her docs fell off right in front of a girl in a designer suit and before she could hurl her goyard bag at Cindie for being a poor, stupid, poor person, Cindie ran down the steps leaving the poor old sole behind.
Back safely at home she hoped that one day a beautiful and rich questrom girl in the process of discovering her queer identity would find her sole, subsequently find Cindie and of course share true love’s first kiss in front of the security guard. But alas, here I am still waiting for my Princess Charming…