I’ve had enough of queer visibility: a letter to the bitch who won’t stop jangling their carabiner in silent study spaces
Maya Bride
Like damn. We get it already!!!
A lesbian without a carabiner is like an angel without wings yadda yadda. Dawg WHAT. If you can’t for one single second put away the carabiner then I don’t even know what to say. A carabiner is LITERALLY built for easy access. Like…you can take it off...go ahead. Give it a break, it actually won’t kill you. Truly nothing in this world is worse than sitting down in a silent study space, finally ready to lock in without interruption, when you hear it: quietly at first, in the distance, then quickly nearing at superhuman speeds. A carabiner-wearing individual has entered your previously safe space and from this moment on you will never know silence. Good luck getting anything done now. If this sounds like you (yes, you. i’m looking at you. you know who you are) then listen close. You are quite possibly the most horrendously annoying person to grace God’s beautiful green Earth. It’s actually your fault I’m failing all my classes! I can’t get a single moment of peace on or off of this godforsaken campus because I’m being plagued! Constantly. Audibly. Assaulted. By that fucking jangle. Contrary to popular belief I actually don’t ! need to know where every gay person within a ten mile radius is but unfortunately that information is forcibly imposed upon my unsuspecting eardrums at every turn. At night when I lay my little head down on my pillow, I close my eyes, ready to be gently serenaded to sleep by the BU marching band outside my open window until I am suddenly violently jolted back to consciousness by the grating song of the carabiner. Is it real? A figment of my imagination as a result of the constant onslaught? I really couldn’t tell you but what I do know is this: The Violence. Must. Stop. Here’s what I need you to do. Take a break. Take a breath. Look deep inside. And consider this: why? What could possibly be prompting this sort of behavior? What sort of inadequacy are you trying to overcompensate for with your need to constantly make your presence known? All eyes should in fact NOT be on you in the center of the ring just like a circus. Maybe your parents didn’t pay enough attention to you but that doesn’t mean I should have to :/ So please, for the love of god, I am on my knees humbly begging you with every fragment of my being to put the carabiner away and bestow the invaluable gift of silence upon those around you. Thank you and good night.