Yup, that’s me. The really hot girl with the digicam. But what if I told you that I was writing this from… inside the digicam…
As if senior year couldn’t get any worse, my life has decided to play out like I’m in an early 2000s DCOM and I have some essential coming-of-age life lesson that I need to learn. But instead of giving me a long-lost twin or finding my soulmate under some wacky circumstances, they stuck me in a camera.
And not even a high-quality one either. It’s my dingy Canon PowerShot that I got in 2013. Honestly, I’m not even meant to be here. Sure I would shove it in everyone’s faces, blind people with the flash, and take a little too long to upload and distribute the photos, but does that make me worthy of this punishment?
It really isn’t all fun and games either. Now I’m always on picture duty, I’m continuously reminded that my eyebrows are too curly, and the outfit I was in when I got stuck is impractical (It’s ice cold in there!). Who knew… a piece of technology has no warmth on the inside…
Anyway, as I’ve been stuck in here for more than a month, I’ve decided to try and turn this wretched curse off and help out those who try and take photos using the camera in which I inhabit. I use the magical rays that shoot out of it to help them pose, make decisions about which friends are going to be in it, and make sure that both the horizontal and vertical photos look equally as good. But by golly, nothing seems to work! Why isn’t my plan of deliberately being nice, but not kind, to others for no apparent reason other than what I may gain from it working?
Probably because of this: First of all, you uglies are ruining the classic photos that my poor PowerShot took. Second, I made a Dorian Gray-inspired deal with the geriatric owner of a camera shop in which I sold my soul to ensure that my youth and beauty would be secure while all the photographic versions of me on the camera would grow old and fade instead. But as it turns out, I had actually broken one of the cameras he owned on a drunken night out months prior so this was really just his way of cursing me as revenge. Which is like… ok… but look at all of the cunty photographs I have of myself now!